I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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