My room smells like vodka and shame
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
