If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
