now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
