man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
