I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
