i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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