Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This baby is an asshole
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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