Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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