I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it glows. i had to have it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
