Swine flu. Run for my life!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
