I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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