Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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