the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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