Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
