Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
