It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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