well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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