so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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