I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
