well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
