Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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