Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
