Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
