nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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