i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
