He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I checked into jail on foursquare
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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