if i died would you start the facebook group?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i've created a new STD.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
