i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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