Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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