Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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