I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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