She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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