WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
