I heard we made out
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
