well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
