I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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