so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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