Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my liver is dry heaving
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
