u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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