i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
