Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
