Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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