It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
