My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
