i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
