sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
