big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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