So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
