I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
